Theology Blog

I have decided to do some theological writing and reflecting on the same-sex marriage debate. While I cannot decide if this is a brave, stupid, unnecessary or necessary decision, there is no question that in the Christian church in the United States today, this is the most divisive and painful issue we face. I have seen families, churches, denominations, friendships and more torn apart as a result of this debate.

I have taken a lot of time over the past 17 years to look at this issue in a wide variety of ways. I have read books, literature and studies on every side of the issue. I have listened to colleagues, mentors and friends discuss the issue. I have spent time learning from and listening to my friends who identify themselves in one of the LGBQT categories. I struggle with even writing that sentence, as I find it hard to focus on categories and defining anyone by their gender or sexual identity as we are so much more! In various seasons I have found myself resonating with almost every ‘side’ of this debate.

In my best, but imperfect attempt to look at the issue from the outside, to step back and look at it from 70,000 feet, I have discovered one important truth: there are fundamental problems with every side of the debate. Whether ignoring the value of people or ignoring the value of some sort of foundational truth or another issue, each side of the issue has its fundamental flaws. While I am choosing not to dive into those flaws as it is far too complicated and generally unhelpful in our moving forward, there is one flaw with every side of the debate that is worth examining:

Every side of this debate sees those on not on their side of the debate in an inaccurate way.

It amazes me how we reduce people to their view on one issue while fighting over the value of people at the same time. Not everyone on the right side of the debate are judgmental, hateful or closed-minded. Not everyone on the left side of the debate are irreligious, immoral, or without standards. Not all people on both sides of the debate are arrogant, selfish or driven by an agenda. The truth is that it is much easier to criticize others than to deal with our own shortcomings and hypocrisy. Not only are generalizations inaccurate, they are divisive and unhelpful. The rhetoric around this issue is not nearly as toxic as the assumptive rhetoric and view of the those on differing sides than our own. Labeling those who think or believe differently than we do is unfair, judgmental, unhealthy and unproductive. Instead of labeling those we disagree with, we must examine our own heart, words and actions as we seek to share and live out our own beliefs on this or any other issue.

Before criticizing others, we should first look in the mirror.